Resisting the Registry

Last weekend Kyle and I went "shopping" at Bed, Bath & Beyond for items for our wedding registry. I never want to do it again. First things first, we've been talking about our registry for a while. What do we need? What do we want? I've heard from friends just how incredibly FUN it is to go around with that little scanner gun and zap away at anything you want! I mean, you really get to go on a shopping spree of sorts, right?!

Aisle Dash, photo by Getty Images

Wrong.

Well, wrong for us, at least. Kyle and I are very methodical. Very frugal. We rarely, together or independently, make purchases for things we don't really need. Don't get me wrong, I know when things need to get updated and upgraded. But the question of do we really need this? or will we really use this? always comes up. So the idea of shopping for a bunch of things that we don't actually need is a struggle. Furthermore, we've lived together for 5 years and bought our house together 3 1/2 years ago, so we have pretty much everything we need and use regularly.

Every time we've said okay, what can we really use for our registry? all we've been able to come up with is a nice set of knives and a nice set of pots and pans. I mean really, it doesn't get much more boring than that. So we chose Bed, Bath & Beyond for our registry because they let you split up sets of All-Clad cookware and W├╝sthof knives (among other things) - two great brands we grew up with and know will last us for years and years. And we cook nearly every day, so these are things we will actually use all the time.

Top: Sur La Table; Bottom: All-Clad

The guy at Bed, Bath & Beyond told us that we need to pick approximately 3 gifts per guest, so people have options. That's 240 items!! That's 10 times the number of things we've been able to come up with!

After closing our mouths, we talked, and decided that yes, we do need to expand our registry a bit. But really, we just can't compromise our characters and we can't add things to our registry that we would never actually buy ourselves.

Instead we're going to offer our guests the option to sponsor our honeymoon, and provide us with an experience that we'll never forget! And we're going to ask them to donate to our two favorite charities, if they're like me and feel a bit uneasy about giving material gifts that will just collect dust.

Crate&Barrel

And really, with all the traditions and websites telling you that you need 16 place settings of China and Chrystal (who, other than our grandparents, uses that stuff these days anyway?), I feel like so many people register for things they don't actually need. And as a guest, that's frustrating! If I buy you this one set of silver place settings (because I can only afford one set), will you actually use this for the dinner parties you've never invited me to?

Maryland Pink and Green

I have heard from so many people that they have a storage room or an attic full of wedding gifts that they don't have room for or don't ever use. That just seems frustrating all around - for the couple who has no more room in their place, and for the guest who spent their money buying something they thought the couple actually wanted.

We are trying not to do that, but it's admittedly hard. For example, we need a new set of Tupperware. Normally we would just buy that, but knowing we need to add things to our registry, we're holding out hope that someone buys that hideously boring thing for us. UGH. I'm just overall frustrated with this registry thing. I mean I really just feel like showing up at our wedding and celebrating with us is the best gift you can give!

Have any other soon-to-be brides felt the same way when trying to shop for their registry? Are you as frustrated as me? How about those of you who are already married - do you use everything that you got from your registry? Were you methodical with your choices, or did you just have fun shopping?

I'm feeling a bit down and frustrated with this whole thing, and would love to hear your thoughts.